In my early teens, I worked at a Chuck E. Cheese’s in my hometown. It was a typically shitty restaurant job, bussing tables and washing dishes. But worst of all, several times per shift I had to BE Chuck E. Cheese — donning a fucking MOUSE costume and wading through throngs of insane children. It was a soul-crushing experience. Which I suppose is why this turn in Orneryboy’s story came about. I had demons to purge.

The only good thing about that job was that every Saturday morning, if you didn’t have to work, you could go in and play free video games all morning until the restaurant opened. So I was there at 8:00 a.m. practically EVERY Saturday morning, and I would stay the full three hours until opening, playing video games. Until management started scheduling me to WORK Saturday mornings. The BASTARDS!